2020 vision! New decade; new start; new you! Buh-bye, 2019! How excited were most people for 2020?!
Kobe Bryant, his daughter, other beautiful children and parents, and a pilot were killed on January 26 in a helicopter crash.
What started in a Chinese market has killed over 460,000 people in the world in just a few months. People lost their jobs, essential workers had to step up in ways they may have never thought they would, mental health suffered as people had to stay in their homes for months, fear became a part of everyday life, and in the case where I live (Arizona), reopening led to a drastic increase in cases in just a couple of weeks. So much has felt like a lose-lose.
May 25, 2020 brought a tragedy that impacted the entire world. George Floyd, a 46 year old father, son and brother, was killed at the mercy of a white police officer. The world mourned and erupted in protests and marches, against police brutality, and for Black Lives Matter. Overt racism, systemic racism, white privilege, and senseless killing of other black Americans became regular topics of conversation.
A few weeks ago, our family received word that my aunt had been hospitalized. My aunt who lost one of her two daughters at 20 years old in a botched robbery/murder, was now potentially facing a diagnosis that no one wants to think could happen. One that a couple weeks later, was confirmed: a glioblastoma [aggressive brain tumor].
& if any of you have been following me for a few months or more, you may know how much I have looked up to Rachel Hollis for the past few years. You may also know that recently, she and her husband announced that they are ending their marriage. Add this on to everything else that has happened in just six months, and my emotional reserve was nearly completely depleted.
Each of these, in their own way, took me through the stages of grief:
Not always in that order, sometimes for minutes and other times for days or weeks. *As a note, I will say that “acceptance” and “bargaining” have not been stages related to George Floyd’s death. Let’s replace those with “humility” and “action.”
Why 2020? Why pain? Why death? Why injustice? Why grief? Why emotional turmoil? Why fear?
Let me tell you something that the Lindsey of 2016 did not fully understand: these things demand to be felt. They will not simply go away, and you will exhaust yourself trying to suppress them, if you hope they never bubble to your emotional surface. Thank you, therapy.
But the story. does. not. end. there. THAT’S THE “WHY.”
We were given a reminder that life can be taken in a single instant, and that it is too short to waste.
The entire world, for the first time since I was born, was in the SAME corner, on the same team, fighting against something that tried to tear us down.
Standing up with our black neighbors, speaking out against injustice, opening our eyes, our ears, our hearts and our minds, and getting super comfortable with being super uncomfortable became what is indisputably right.
I honestly cannot say much about my aunt’s diagnosis. All I can say is seeing the pain in my Dad’s eyes as a brother, and hearing the sadness in my Grandma’s voice as a mother reminds me that sometimes our only “role” is to carry someone’s grief with them.
I was reminded that the last thing anyone in the world needs, even a couple who put themselves “out there” in the media world, is judgment. We need to show more love and acceptance of ourselves, and others, on our best days, and our hardest ones. Isn’t that what Rachel talks about all of the time?
[‘lens of love’ inspo&grace shirt]
Life is short. Let joy be held precious in the midst of fear. Remember what truly matters in life. We are all united as one human race. Fight for justice; fight for peace. Humble yourself. The change the world needs starts in your own heart and home. Get outside of yourself and carry the burdens of others in love. Love and compassion above judgment and criticism.
Just a few things my head and heart will hold on to as 2020 continues, and in the years to come.
Love you, friends. <3